So Happy Together

Tonight we started dinner off by teaching the girls how to hang a spoon on the tip of their nose without holding it. The first few minutes were spent with all of us laughing at each other as spoons hung on our noses (or were held, by the smaller ones). They were so fascinated and proud of themselves. I wish I had a picture to share with you. It was a priceless moment.

Ahhhh.....Those small moments.....Giggling, joking, having fun, simply enjoying our time together..... They sure do make all of the other moments worth it, don't they?


What a great plan.....The Plan of Happiness.....It really is.

(God gave me my family + My family makes me happy + I will be with my family forever = Happiness Forever)

It's so simple. Sharing sweet moments with amazing people while we're here, and sharing many more of those moments with the same amazing people for eternity. What could make any of us happier than that?

Rollin' On The Floor!!!

"She doesn't give me peas all day yet because I don't like them yet, that's why she doesn't give me them all day yet!"

If you have not yet seen the 'Kid History' videos

you definitely should!!!!

Seriously, Jarom and I laughed harder than we have in a long time! Thanks to my friend, Miss Eva Aurora for getting us hooked!

Here is a sample of one of my favorites.....I hope you enjoy!!!

A Lullaby Fit For Eternity

The other day I was listening to the song 'Lullaby' by the Dixie Chicks. Here's a video if you want to listen.

I have talked about this song before and how much I love it. I don't think there is a better lullaby in all the world. It speaks as if from my own heart. When I was listening to it the other day it struck me in a way it never had before. Specifically the chorus lyrics:

"How long do you wanna be loved? Is forever enough? Is forever enough?
How long do you wanna be loved? Is forever enough? 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up."

Not surprisingly, I always think of my children when I listen to this song. As I thought about them this time I thought about the eternal perspective that I have as I listen to those words. Forever means something different to me than it does to many others because of my beliefs about eternal families. I believe that because I was sealed to my family by proper authority in the Temple of God, my family will be mine long after death. Forever, to me, does not mean until this life is over. It is eternity; Time without limits.

What an amazing blessing it is to look into those precious little faces and know that they are mine forever. They will always be mine. I never have to give them up, not even to death! It gives this song a different perspective, and makes me grateful for the amazing blessings that I have been given.

If you are not familiar with my views on eternal families and/or would like to learn more, you can read a short article here or you can click on the 'I'm A Mormon' button at the top of my blog.

Good...Great...And Beyond.....

Last week was my birthday.

It was stupendous!

I got to have dinner at one of my favorite restaurants (The Olive Garden, MMMMM.....) with my entire family! (Which hasn't happened in a very long time.)

And

My sweet sister gave me.....

THIS.......

I have no words.....

Emergency Essentials Food Storage Giveaway

 Here is the add from the website:

Traditional 2000^TM Year Supply Giveaway

This supply includes baking and cooking essentials, providing the versatility for cooking your own meals. It also includes fruits and vegetables, milk, garden seeds and more.

• Approximately 2000 calories per day for 375 days
• 126 - #10 cans total
• 120 dehydrated and 6 freeze-dried
• 64 different varieties

How to Enter:

1. "Like" us on facebook. Send an email to social@beprepared.com with "Traditional 2000 Giveaway" in the subject line and let us know that you are one of our fans on facebook. If you already "Like" us, send us an email and let us know. Click here to go to our facebook page.

Bonus Entries:

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4. Share this giveaway with your friends (on facebook, on your blog or website, send them an email, etc.) and receive an additional 5 bonus entries. After sharing, send an email to social@beprepared.com with "Share Bonus Entries" in the subject line and let us know how you shared.

Winner:
In conjunction with National Preparedness Month, the winner will be posted on our blog, Preparedness Pantry, during the month of September 2011. The winner will be randomly selected from all eligible entries.
All entries will be verified. We welcome emails and entries from everyone; however, free shipping of the Traditional 2000 Year Supply is included for the winner to the 48 contiguous United States only. For any locations outside this area, the winner is responsible for arranging and paying their own shipping costs. If you purchase a Traditional 2000 Year Supply during the giveaway and win, we will send you an additional supply or issue you a refund for the supply you purchased - whichever you prefer.
This promotion is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Facebook.
Your entries are going to Emergency Essentials and not to Facebook.
Facebook is in no way responsible for any part of this giveaway.

The Old Violin

"Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer

Thought it scarcely worth his while

To waste much time on the old violin,

But held it up with a smile:

“What am I bidden, good folks,” he cried,

“Who’ll start the bidding for me?”

“A dollar, a dollar”; then, “Two!” “Only two?

Two dollars, and who’ll make it three?

Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;

Going for three—” But no,

From the room, far back, a gray-haired man

Came forward and picked up the bow;

Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,

And tightening the loose strings,

He played a melody pure and sweet

As a caroling angel sings.

 

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,

With a voice that was quiet and low,

Said, “What am I bid for the old violin?”

And he held it up with the bow.

“A thousand dollars, and who’ll make it two?

Two thousand! And who’ll make it three?

Three thousand, once, three thousand, twice,

And going, and gone!” said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,

“We do not quite understand

What changed its worth.” Swift came the reply:

“The touch of a master’s hand.”

 

And many a man with life out of tune,

And battered and scarred with sin,

Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,

Much like the old violin.

A “mess of pottage,” a glass of wine,

A game—and he travels on.

He’s “going” once, and “going” twice,

He’s “going” and almost “gone.”

But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd

Never can quite understand

The worth of a soul and the change that’s wrought

By the touch of the Master’s hand.^"

^{This poem was shared at a session of our Stake Conference this weekend. It spoke volumes to me. I have seen with my own eyes the difference that can be made in a person with the touch of The Master's hand. I know how much those souls are worth.....how precious they are to me.....and how grateful I am that the world gets to hear the pure and sweet melody that they have to share.}

^{If you would like to read an article by President Boyd K. Packer that this poem is shared in, you can click here.}

Party In The House!

Yesterday I helped throw a party for my 2 adorable little nieces, who turned nine years old this week. My totally awesome sister planned a 'Candyland' themed party. The kids had to defeat a number of challenges to defeat the evil Jalapeno Pepper and get back to the castle! I got to be Queen Candy and, of course, anything that allows me to be Queen I'm all in for! My sister is very creative and came up with some really fun games and it was completed with a hotdog barbeque and a Candyland cake, topped with all sorts of candy, of course. The kids had a fantastic time! I would say the party was a success!

I'm thinking it would be fun to have a themed party like that for my birthday. How come the kids always get to have all of the fun? Any theme would do...Chocolate...Harry Potter...Twilight...The color yellow...Crazy hair...Crazy clothes...whatever! I think we adults sometimes need an excuse to just let it go and remember what it's like to be a kid....you know, when the worst thing that ever happened to you was that your best friend wanted to play barbies when you wanted to play house, and you were mad at each other for 5 whole minutes! Wasn't that the worst? Or your mom wouldn't let you have that 4th scoop of ice cream! She was soooo mean!... And the simplest things in the world brought numerous moments of joy...like playing with boxes, or running in circles, or giggling because someone said a gross word (poop...sshhh), or going down a slide and really conquering it by climbing back up.....

Ahhh...those were the days...

Dream A Little Dream.....

One night last week Emma came into my room upset about a bad dream she'd had. We talked about it for a bit and she decided to watch a movie instead of going back to sleep and she later fell asleep on the couch. The next night as we were getting everyone into bed Emma started crying. She didn't want to go to sleep. She was scared that she would have a bad dream. We ended up having a very interesting discussion.

Every night during our family prayers my girls make a point to pray for good dreams. We discussed bad dreams when they were very small and how they could ask Heavenly Father to help them sleep good without having any bad dreams. A lot of times this helped them. Emma said she had prayed for good dreams and help sleeping and it didn't work. She was confused about why her prayers weren't working. I explained to her that almost everything that happens to us in life gives us the opportunity to learn something. Sometimes Heavenly Father allows them to happen so that we can have that learning experience. I asked her what she thought she could learn from the bad dream she'd had the previous night. Together we came up with a few ideas. We decided our dreams could teach us what's real and what's not real, what is important and what is not important, what is good and what is bad, and how we can react in a situation that might be scary. I'm sure there are other things our dreams might teach us, but that was our list.

This seemed to make sense to her and she seemed a bit calmer, but she still did not want to go to bed. She was still scared of her dreams. Then and idea popped into my head. I told her to think of her dreams like they were a movie or a book...an interesting story that she could watch in her sleep. Doesn't that sound fun? Sure, some movies are scary. She thinks Harry Potter is scary, but she still likes to watch it because it's a good story and it's interesting. I told her that her dreams could be like Harry Potter. She could pay attention to the story, and maybe she'd be scared for a minute...but she would know it's not real and that it's part of an interesting story.

This brought us to the idea of making a dream journal. I told Emma that she could look forward to her dreams, good or bad, she could watch and enjoy the 'movie' in her sleep. Then when she woke up she could write her dreams down in a dream journal and turn them into stories that she could share with other people. We talked about Twilight (one of my favorites), and how the author came up with the story and characters in a dream, then she wrote it down and turned it into books. Emma  thought that was pretty cool, and the idea of keeping a dream journal became exciting to her. She went to bed after that without any problems. The next morning I asked her if she'd had any dreams, and she hadn't. She actually seemed disappointed. But over the next couple of days she started her day by writing her dreams down.

This morning I woke up from a very strange and vivid dream. I decided to write it down before I forgot it. It really seemed like something that could make a good book one day. Maybe one day I'll pretend I am talented enough and have a good enough imagination to fill in the blanks and I will try to make it into a real story. Who knows...Emma came into my room as I was writing. She had just finished writing down her dream and so we sat together on my bed and read our dream stories to each other. It was a really sweet moment, and I love hearing the things that go through her mind! She is a funny little girl! She is also very smart and very observant.

I think the dream journal was a good idea. I'm sure we will have many entertaining mornings going over the stories that serenade us in our sleep.

(*By the way, Emma's dream last night had to do with an old lady riding down the street in one of those motorized shopping carts looking for Coke and waffles! Hahahaha! It made me laugh!)

I See a Blockage In My Future....

You may or may not know that I have written a children's book. I sent it into a publisher some time ago, but have not heard back from them yet. These things take time, and I am in no hurry. I definitely don't expect to be some big-time author or anything. I just think it would be nice to have a book on our shelf that my children can read, knowing that it was written specifically for them by their mother. I want it to have bright, exciting pictures and make them laugh and bounce and have fun!

Anyway, I suffer from writer's block quite often. That book took me 2 years to complete. Before I finished it I started on an idea for a second book. I've been throwing around ideas for the second book for about a year, but have only managed to write down a few actual sentences. The other night I felt a sudden urge to really put some genuine effort into finishing that book. So, now comes the hard part....

Making my brain think about what I want it to think about, rather than the random nonsense that fills it on a regular basis.

Sometimes my imagination just stalls. I wish I could remember the types of things I used to think about as a child. Thankfully, I have my own children to observe and learn from.

Even though writer's block will likely be a struggle...I enjoy writing. That's why I do it. Eventually I'll finish the book, and published or not, I will be happy with it - and hopefully my kids will too!

On to the challenge!!!

You Are Special

Sometimes (actually most times) we worry too much about what other people think of us.

Last night my daughter read to us from this book:

(Read the story by clicking here.)

It is one of my favorite books to read to my kids. As it was read to me by my daughter I realized that I need to apply it's message to myself more often.

You may think you know a lot about me, and some of the things you think you know, you might be right about. You may not recognize some of my good qualities. I may not always recognize them either. But my 'woodworker' sees all of them. He knows how every notch and divot makes me unique and special. He sees the beauty in me, even if you don't...even if I don't. He helps me turn my weaknesses into strengths and teaches me how to be all that I was created to be.

I am special....and it doesn't matter if you know it or not, your dots won't stick to me....because my Heavenly Father knows it, and (sometimes) I know it too.

My World - And So Much More

Every time I write something I try to use the perfect words. I don't think that there are any words that could describe properly what I want to write about today. You see, today is my anniversary! 9 years ago today I  married a very charming and handsome man! We were sealed in the Bountiful temple. We knelt across the altar, looked into each others' eyes, and knew that our lives were intertwined, not only for the rest of this life, but for eternity. We looked forward to our future together and the joy in our posterity that is always mentioned.

Here we sit, 9 years later. We recognize that joy in our posterity -- 5 children who belong with us, who complete our family unit and make us whole. Today we celebrate the day we took that first step, and we also celebrate the innumerable days that will follow that we are overwhelmingly blessed for making that decision.

I just want to share a few thoughts about my precious husband.(I know that doesn't sound very manly, but he is absolutely precious to me in every sense of the word.)

My husband is AMAZING! Just the fact that he puts up with me on a daily basis should probably earn him some kind of an award. But he doesn't just put up with me. He cherishes me. He offers me his unselfish service on a regular basis. He is gentle with me and my tender heart, respecting my emotions and all of the hardships they may stir up.

He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He not only allows me to be my ridiculous self, but he loves me for it.

He is chivalrous, in fact, I could probably count on my fingers how many times I have opened a door for myself in the last nine years. He always does that for me, not because I lack the ability to do it myself, but because he believes I should not have to. He is an absolute gentleman, and he shares this example with my children. Because of this my daughters will know how they deserve to be treated, and my son will know how he should be treating precious daughters of God.

He has NEVER yelled at me...ever. He cares about my feelings more than his own pride.

He has a knowledge, understanding, and testimony of God and his role in God's plan for our happiness. He holds the priesthood, and I know that because of that our entire family is blessed on a daily basis.

He is incredibly good-looking! This is not because of his bright blue eyes, or his rosy cheeks, or the way his muscles bulge from his arms while he is playing guitar hero -- though I do LOVE all of these things. He is so good-looking because his countenance shows through all of those things. Because the person that he is is no less than astounding!

These examples only demonstrate a part of who he is and what he means to me. Nearly everything that is good about my life can be attributed to him in some way. I am more grateful for him than words could ever describe.

*Oh, and did I mention that even now, 9 years later, he still gives me butterflies in my stomach? I would definitely call that a successful marriage!

Happy Anniversary Love!

The Sound of Sunshine

I just spent two hours with Emma watching videos on youtube. We were singing and dancing around the room. It was like our own little concert! Emma had her water bottle microphone and I had my baby bottle microphone!

I am still in my pj's and I haven't gotten anything else done today, but that was sooooo worth it! I love spending time with my kids, especially when we get to goof off and act crazy and stupid without worrying about what anyone is thinking of us. What a blast!

The last song we listened to before we took our lunch break is a great song to describe my day so far. The Sound of Sunshine...give it a listen and let it brighten your day!

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

My little Emma is such a terrific little girl. She loves to draw and write and learn. She is very talented.

Yesterday she made me a card. She drew a picture of her hugging me and she wrote, "Love is for everyone aspeshely you! I love you Mom!" with a big heart! It really made my day! The misspelled word made it even more precious somehow.

Today she wanted to write a story. She titled it The Hudg (huge) Flower. It is a cute little story and I want to share it with you, complete with all of her misspellings and run-on sentences and what-not. They make it extra special!
  
The Hudg Flower
One day I was sitting on the portch and said to myself I'm bord. Then I put my head up to look but then I saw a HUDGE FLOWER then I got up and yelled MOM! MOM! And dashed into the house then mom came out and SCREAMED! Then Mom fated.
THE END 

The story was complete with a drawing of me in the process of fainting next too a huge flower, roughly the size of a large tree. Cutest thing ever, right? I love that little girl!   

Yep...

"Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God, he hears you
And pray to God, he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"

Double Yep...

"I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your ...

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind"

Short, Sweet, & To The Point...

I feel the need today to share with everyone my testimony about....my testimony.

I am so grateful for my testimony. My testimony is so important to me. It shapes who I am on a daily basis. It is precious and tender. It is strong yet pliable, and can change shape as quickly and easily as the Spirit can whisper a tiny word or phrase. There are no limits to how large it can grow. It is special. It is sacred. It is irreplaceable. And it is mine.

I am blessed.

Bring On Summer!!!

I am so excited for summer break! School is finally out! I know there will be hardships with whiny, bored children occasionally, but that seems like a good trade for making 4 trips back and forth everyday. I am so excited to be able to be at home!

Not only am I looking forward to that, but I feel like I can really spend some quality time with my kids now. We don't get a lot of that when schedules get in the way. I love my children, but I often feel that I don't appreciate them enough. I don't always get to recognize the small and simple things that are so special because we are too busy, so I tend to rush through those small and simple and precious moments. For the next 3 months I won't have to do that! I can fully enjoy them! We can play together, laugh together, enjoy the sunshine (when it shows up), tell each other stories, sing songs, read books, be completely carefree and happy....the list goes on and on!

I am stoked for summer break! Bring it on!

Are Weekends Supposed To Be Fun?

I've been feeling pretty run down lately. Last week just really made me exhausted.So I was looking forward to the weekend. Jarom actually had a Saturday off so we could go to his cousin's wedding luncheon. I was really looking forward to visiting with the family and catching up with everybody.

But from the very beginning, Saturday was not the relaxing, fun day I had planned. Getting 5 girls dressed and ready is always a challenge. We added baths into it, and the adventure began. While in the bathtub, Molly decided her bath would be much more fun if the water were outside the tub rather than in it. She used a cup to scoop up the water and dump it out onto the bathroom floor. Our bathroom is quite small, so in no time there was an inch of water on the floor and it was leaking out onto the carpet in the hallway. This put my husband in a very bad mood, very quickly. Orneriness ensued.

After baths were done and Emma & Bridget's hair had been done, it was Molly's turn for her hair to be done. I started brushing and realized that there was a large piece of gum stuck in her beautiful, long hair! This left me no choice, thirty minutes before we had to leave, than to give an impromptu haircut. I had to cut off at least 6 inches of her gorgeous hair, and I had never cut a girl's hair before. Luckily, I did not butcher it too bad. In fact, it looks kind of cute. But frustration was beginning to settle in.

Then came the car ride. From Tooele to Provo it took us almost an hour and a half. That's not usually a big deal, but my kids have been in some sort of phase lately where EVERYTHING starts an argument. It was nothing but screaming, crying, and whining for 90 minutes! We finally made it to the luncheon and everything was so beautiful. I sent Jarom and the kids for food while I sat with Charlie. They got back pretty quickly because they were pretty close to the front of the line. But in the time it took for them to come sit down and for me to get in line, a hundred other people had already gotten there. I had to stand in line for almost 30 minutes to get food so by the time I got back to the table my whole family had finished eating. But of course, the second I sat down I was bombarded. They all started taking my food right off my plate because they were still hungry! Including my adorable husband!( Trust me, I wasn't thinking he was adorable right then.)

If there's one way to get me irritated...just mess with my food when I'm hungry...I know, its sad, but that's just how it is. Food and I have a love-hate relationship like that.

So, by this time I was in a pretty bad mood. All of my intentions to be social and chatty had flown out the window. I went down to the kids' room and watched Toy Story while the party ensued. I apologize to everyone who was there who thought I was being crabby and unfriendly... I was.

Then came the 90 minute ride home. Even worse than the ride there had been. Charlie cried non-stop for the last half of it. My brain couldn't handle any more.

Sunday wasn't much better. Imagine that car ride, but put it in sacrament meeting. I hope my kids get out of this phase soon! I was so exhausted yesterday I could barely move. Days like that just have a way of wearing you down. But of course, when it was finally time to go to bed I couldn't sleep. My brain wouldn't shut off.

So, here I am on Monday. I should be well rested and ready for a new week, but I think I need this week to recover from my weekend instead.

Aren't weekends supposed to be fun? ....And relaxing?

*By the way, I really do love and appreciate my kids. I hope my venting doesn't make anyone think otherwise. My children are amazing, and I'm lucky to have them! They just make me tired...

Sound Off

Okay, so something was really annoying me and I just want to spout off about it for a minute. Sometimes this gets me into trouble, but what-the-hey?!

I was recently directed to a website that was a forum for birth-mothers,  or first-mothers (I guess is what they prefer to be called). I didn't really understand what people were saying most of the time. ??They gave their children up for adoption at some point and now they're all bent out of shape saying that they and their children were 'victims' of adoption, and that their children were 'taken' from them by the adoptive parents.??

I don't get it.

It was hard for me to read, and even harder for me to understand. There are so many things that didn't sit well with me. But there was one thing in particular that bothered me the most. They kept talking about their poor children being raised by 'genetic strangers', and how damaging that would be for them.

Let me tell you something folks. I have witnessed the adoption process from both sides. I've witnessed people going through the process  of adopting a child. I've witnessed someone making the decision to give up a child. All of these people make fantastic parents, and it has nothing to do with genetics. You do not need to be genetically related to a child to love them, cherish them, teach them, nurture them, and to be an amazing parent. Likewise, being a 'genetic' parent does not make it a slam dunk. There are plenty of  'genetic' parents out there who do none of those things for their children. They may abuse them physically, mentally, or both. They may neglect them and care nothing for their joys or sorrows. Are those children better off simply because they are with their 'genetic' parents? Are they happier, more well-adjusted children under those circumstances? I should say not!

Genetics have absolutely nothing to do with it!

That's all I wanted to say :)

The Fray

Sometimes I hear a song that explains what is in my heart so well, I think the writer must have borrowed my soul for a time.


"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life."
                             -The Fray

Where Is The Line?

We've all heard the phrase "Life is a great balancing act". This is true in many different instances. One of the things that I think can be hard to balance is when to speak and what to say when you speak.

Sometimes I say things and I later wish that I hadn't. Sometimes I don't say anything and I later wish that I had. There is a fine line there that is hard to see. Unfortunately, I think one of the only ways we are able to see where that fine line is, is by crossing it. Only then do you know that you have tripped the wire and caused an explosion. Also unfortunately, the only way to try to go back is to re-cross the very line that caused the problem in the first place.

This is one of the many things we learn through experience. Over time the line may become more and more clear to us. Or maybe it doesn't, but we just stay out of the area so as not to cross it by mistake (which happens all the time). Either way, we learn from it, and hopefully we become better because of it. That's all we can ask for when we make mistakes, right?

So, we do our best. And if it really is our best then it will all work out in the end. At least that's what I believe.

Prayers For A Little Prince

 Meet Asher:

                                                 
Isn't he adorable? This little guy is 7 weeks old, and he has spent 6 of those 7 weeks in the hospital.

His current ailments include, but may not be limited to:
*Premature Lungs
*RSV
*Partially Collapsed Lungs
*Pneumonia
*Fluctuating Resperation
*Fluctuating Heart Rate
*High Fevers


This little guy is very sick. He has a twin brother and 5 other siblings at home who miss him terribly. Please add little Asher into your prayers. And please add his amazing, sweet mother as well. They need all the help they can get.

Thank you dear friends!

Here's The Proof...I Am Definitely ALL Kinds Of Crazy!!!

Today I experienced one of the most ridiculous and embarrassing mishaps in my life. It is absolute proof that I am senile! I wasn't planning on telling anyone about it, but then I figured, I can either laugh it off with everyone else (oh yes, you will be laughing), or I can crawl in a hole and hang out for awhile. But frankly, laughter is more fun! And when you're insane, (like me) meniacle laughter is even more fun! Bwahahahahahahaha!

There are a few things that contributed to today's mishap. I shall list them for you:

1) Last week was Spring Break and so I had a whole week that I didn't have to keep to the normal schedule, which goes as follows:
            *We have one car. Jarom goes to work in the very early morning. He comes home later in the morning and we pack up all of the kids in the car to take Emma to school. Then I take Jarom back to work so that I have the car to get Bridget to school in the afternoon. Then I have to go pick Jarom up when he gets off work.

2) I had some extra kids at my house yesterday, so my mom came and took Bridget to school for me. Since I didn't have to get Bridget to school, Jarom kept the car and I didn't have to pick him up from work.

(These two things put my regular schedule more-or-less out of sight and out of mind.)

3) This is me we're talking about here, and if you know me and my brain then you know that is contribution enough.

Okay, so...now that you have all of the background information I will fill you in on
The Mishap...(Dun dun dun...)

I didn't take Bridget to school today because I got caught up in something I was doing and by the time I looked at the clock it was too little too late. (Duh! moment #1)

I was upstairs in the bathroom (yes, I was in the bathroom) and I heard banging on my front door. Someone was knocking very hard and very fast, repetitively. Immediately following the banging I could hear the bomp bomp bomp of a car stereo, turned up way too loud. Then it was quiet.

I came out of the bathroom and looked out my window and noticed that my car was in the driveway. It was around the time that Jarom would get home from work, so I went downstairs to see if he was home. I looked through the whole house and he wasn't here. In fact, the front door was still locked. I was so confused. Where would he have gone? It didn't make any sense to me! I went outside and started looking up and down the street. I checked with a few neighbors to see if they had seen him (Oh yes, I knocked on the doors and everything).

And then I started to FREAK OUT!!!

Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen!  I became thoroughly convinced that my husband had been followed home from work by some no-good, road rage gangster (yep!). That it had been my husband pounding on the door, trying to get in quicker than his keys would allow, when he was dragged off by these armed and dangerous misfits!

(I know, I know. You're probably nearly wetting yourselves already.)

40 minutes later I got all of my kids into the car and began driving the neighborhood looking for any evidence of these possible thugs and where they might have taken my husband. I had my phone in-hand and was minutes away from calling the police and reporting him missing. Then the phone rang, and to my surprise and relief I heard my husband's voice. I was soooo confused!

And what did he say to me? He said, "Hi! Did you forget about me?" And with those few words it dawned on me, and suddenly everything made sense! Perfect, obvious, idiotic sense!

Jarom hadn't taken the car today. I dropped him off at work after we took Emma to school, just like we do every other day. Jarom was calling me because I had forgotten to pick him up from work.

Seriously people, if you're not worried about my mental stability at this point you probably should be. I know I am! So there's your proof. All kinds of crazy exists, and it exists right here.

I realize that it is pretty funny looking back on it, but at the time it was far from funny. I think it must stem from my greatest fear in this life, which is obviously an irrational sort of fear. The fear of becoming a widow. There is nothing scarier to me. I can't imagine a life without my husband.  He is my whole world.

So, feel free to have a laugh at my expense! I will join you! And then you can recognize that one of your many blessings is that your brain isn't just a big ball of Jell-o like mine is!

My Lisa-Power-Pump-Me-Up Song!

The Ultimate Deceiver

A couple of times in my recent study I have, for one reason or another, found myself reading the Bible Dictionary description of the word devil. It is amazing to me how much one can learn simply by reading the Bible Dictionary. A few parts of the description of the devil hit me pretty hard.

-"One of the major techniques of the devil is to cause human beings to think they are following God's ways, when in reality they are deceived by the devil to follow other paths....
He tries to imitate the work of God by transforming himself nigh unto an angel of light. He is also a worker of miracles, by which he deceives many upon the earth. In fact, the scriptures say he deceives the whole world. He can cite scripture to make his point seem plausible. All of this is his scheme to make man miserable like himself."
(Bible Dictionary, Pg. 656)

I wonder how often we fall for that. How often I fall for it. I would venture to guess that it is probably too often.

Let It Out

Some days I think that if I could scream as loud as I can, for as long as I can, it might make me feel better. It might shock everything, even my own brain, into silence! Of course, this is just a theory. I've never actually tried it. I'm afraid if I did it may terrify five small children, my neighbors, their dogs, and probably even myself. So I will stick to screaming of the silent type. I'll hear it, but only in my head. And you'll probably hear it in yours. So here goes:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Better? Ummm....maybe a little...no, not really.
Better luck next time.

In His Constant Care

I went shopping with my mom the other night and we decided to stop in at Seagull Book. The first thing I saw when I walked in the door was this picture, and it took my breath away.

I had to make an effort to hold back tears as this painting overwhelmed me. It is called "In His Constant Care" and it is painted by Simon Dewey. If it hadn't cost so much I would have bought it on the spot. I will own this picture someday. I have to.

Happy Birth-day Baby Charlie

I wanted to write a post about the labor and delivery of our little Charlie. Some parts may be a little graphic, but I know how some of you like to hear all the gory details! :) I know people want pictures, but my computer right now is less than satisfactory so it might be awhile. Sorry.

On Tuesday, January 11th at about 12:30 a.m. I was concerned that my water had broken and was 'trickling' fluid. This happened when Emma was born, and I was pretty sure it was the same thing. We decided to head in to the hospital to have them check it out. I hadn't had any contractions up to this point except for about 3 that I'd had 6 hours earlier that were 20 minutes apart. We got to the hospital and I thought they would do a quick check of the fluid to see if it was amniotic fluid before they checked me in. But they didn't. They took me straight to a birthing room, had me change into a gown, and hooked me up to all of the monitors. It was the weirdest thing, right after they hooked me up to the monitors I started having small and somewhat random contractions. Then they decided to check my fluid. With Emma it was very simple, they used a paper strip that changed a certain color if amniotic fluid was detected. Now they have 3 different ways of detecting fluid, including the strip, but they require that they insert a very uncomfortable device that allows them to see if fluid was 'pooling'. This was the first of many very uncomfortable 'checks' that morning.

They determined that I was not leaking amniotic fluid, which was a shock to Jarom and I because I clearly had some sort of unexplained moisture going on. I was afraid they were going to send us home, but because I had been contracting they decided to check my cervix first. This was a more difficult process than you would imagine. It has always been something pretty simple. However, the nurse reached in, 'dug' around for a bit, pushed hard, then pushed even harder. Then she came out and said that something was really strange and she couldn't really describe what it felt like. She went to get another nurse. The second nurse went in... 'dug' around... pushed hard... pushed harder...came out...asked me to put my fists under my pelvic bone to tilt it upward...went back in...continued...and then decided that I was dilated to 4 1/2 cm. I had to experience at least 4 of these types of checks throughout that morning. They were very painful. This was not boding well for my labor experience.

At this point, they were still considering sending me home since they weren't sure how long I'd been at 4 1/2 because my cervix was so difficult. They figured I could have been sitting like that for a week. So we waited a couple of hours to see if there was any progress. I prayed and prayed for progress! I was so ready for Charlie to come, and I had already suffered some very painful things. I was ready to get it over with! After 2 hours and another horrid check I was dilated to 5 1/2 cm and 80% effaced. They finally decided they would keep me. So they figured they'd get my contractions moving along and they started the Pitocin. It worked. I was feeling those contractions! I have had an epidural with all of my kids (well, one was a spinal block) and it has always worked perfectly, so I was looking forward to getting that going, even though the process itself is  painful, it had never been anything I couldn't handle.

Wrong! Not this time! The process of putting in the catheter for the epidural had never hurt so bad as it did this time. It was unbelievably painful! When it was finally over, I was really looking forward to some pain relief, pronto! It never came. The anesthesiologist came in 4 times to add more medicine and still, nothing. The contractions were getting stronger and lasting longer and all I could do to get through them was try to breathe. I must admit, for awhile there I was pretty proud of myself for how well I handled the pain. I didn't make and ounce of noise, just breathed. As we got closer and closer the anesthesiologist decided perhaps he hadn't gotten the catheter in correctly and we did the whole thing again. It wasn't as painful this time (except for the fact that I was having major contractions during the process) and I started to feel the numbing effect go down my right leg. I took this as a sign that it was now working and I would soon be pain free. Nope! Wrong again! It spread through my right leg and stopped dead in it's tracks.  4 more doses of medication...nothing. No matter how I shifted position it offered me no other relief.

On top of all of this, after another check, we found that Charlie was 'sunny side up'. Babies are supposed to come out with their face down, toward the mother's back. Charlie was face-up toward my belly. Because of this his head wasn't fitting through my pelvic bone the way it was supposed to. This is when the REAL pain began. I felt like there was a vice clamped onto my bones, and with every contraction that clamp pulled my bones in 6 different directions all at the same time. I thought I was going to burst, the pressure was so intense! I lost all control over that pain. I was crying hysterically. Because of this, Charlie's oxygen levels started going down and I had to wear an oxygen mask. This had turned into a very real nightmare for me. I could feel everything. In comes the anesthesiologist again. He tried to adjust the catheter and add more medicine one more time. I hoped it would work, but no such luck.

Then the time came... I could feel that immense pressure moving forward and I knew I had to push... now. When I told the nurse this she told me to wait.... wait! I thought she was insane. She checked me and said he still needed to come down a little more so don't push. She went to get my doctor. One contraction later I said it again... I needed to push...NOW!!! She said to wait! Aaaaagggghhhh! The frustration! The pain! The pressure! My doctor came in just in time and said "Okay, lets go!" Thank you, Dr. Terry, for not telling me to wait! I mustered up what I could just to move my body into position. On the first contraction I pushed once and Charlie's little head came out. Then Dr. Terry tells me to stop pushing. Stop?! (I'm still feeling every bit of this, by the way) He wanted me to stop! Some of you may, or may not understand what it's like to have half of a human body coming out of a very small space in your own body, and then have to stop pushing and just let it sit there.

Luckily, shortly after that the next contraction came. One more push and he was out. At 11:55 a.m. they placed little Charlie on my stomach, but I was shaking so bad I could barely reach up to touch him. You would think this would be a good place to wrap things up. It's over. The end. No more pain, right? Wrong! Because, you see, after the birth comes the after-birth. I usually barely even notice this part, it always goes so quickly and smoothly while I'm cuddling with my new little baby. But, of course, that would not be fitting for this experience. Simple and painless didn't fit into this labor scenario. You see, the placenta did not detach from my uterus, as it is supposed to do, making it easy to remove. No, my doctor had to literally go up inside and use his fingers to physically separate the placenta from my uterus. OUCH! (Did I mention that my epidural didn't work? Yes? Okay, just checking.) Yep, I felt that too.

Then, finally, it was over. And while they cleaned up my baby boy I got to give some attention to something very important to me. I asked the doctor if there was any evidence of my other baby in the placenta. I know some might find it disgusting, but I got to look at the placenta and I saw the little flap of extra tissue that was once my little boy. This was incredibly important and emotional for me. My point of view was not great and I couldn't see much detail, but Jarom said he could see the imprint of a tiny skeleton in that little flap of tissue. As small as it was, I had my evidence that my little Peter was real. I will never see it again, but at least I got to see it. I had been worried that the day may be tainted by the baby that wasn't born. I wasn't sure how I would feel and it worried me for a long time. But now I know.

I have a necklace. I wear it every day. It is an angel with a ruby heart in the center. It is a token of remembrance for my little angel, Peter. The ruby is the birthstone of July, the month we lost him. With every contraction I had during my labor, I wrapped my hand around that little angel while I breathed in and out. With every contraction I thought about my little Peter. He reminded me of how lucky I was to be there in that moment, however painful it was, giving birth to a living and healthy son. No matter how much I complain about the physical pain I experienced during this labor, Peter made me grateful, every step of the way, for the blessing it was to be having that experience. The memory of Peter did not taint my feelings that day at all. Quite the opposite...my memory of Peter helped me get through it, as I am sure it will help me get through many other things in the future.

And now we welcome our sweet little Charlie to the family! He is perfect! And we are happy to have him!

Peter

For the one that was and always will be; although he can't share this life with me...

I mentioned in an earlier post that I would share the story of Charlie's twin. I'm not sure I can properly put it into words, but I will do my best.

We lost a child. Because we never had actual 'proof' of the sex of this child, we rarely use a name. We didn't want to deal with people asking us how we know, but we do know. We know we lost a son. We know his name was Peter. And I think about him every day.

I was 7 weeks along when I had some spotting and went in for an ultrasound. I was told that I was having twins. Immediately some part of me recognized that I already knew this before they told me. It was right. It made sense. Jarom, on the other hand, was completely blown away by this news. We were nervous, but excited. We saw this as a blessing for following the promptings of the Lord.

From the very beginning there was some concern that Peter's amniotic sac was rather small. I went in for an ultrasound every one to two weeks so we could monitor his growth and the sac around him. Everything seemed to be going well. The sac was consistently small, but it also was growing proportionately to his body and to Charlie's sac. The sac grew as he grew. At the beginning of the second trimester, my doctor felt concerned that the sac may have stopped growing. The only cause of this that they could come up with was that if the babies were sharing a placenta (which would make them identical twins), Charlie could have been getting the bulk of the nutrition and Peter wasn't getting much of anything. There was some dispute as to whether the babies were actually sharing a placenta or not. So I was sent to a specialist who would be able to tell if this was the problem. It could be fixed if we went to California for a rare, but effective surgery. We went to our appointment and the doctor was confident that the babies did not share a placenta so this could not be a problem. He also said that both babies had sufficient amniotic fluid and that they both looked healthy. We were relieved to hear such great news.

Less than a week later, on July 27, we went in for my regular appointment. I remember while we were waiting for my nurse to come in I told Jarom, "I just feel like this is the pregnancy when something will go wrong. I'll have high blood pressure or toxemia or something." I was half-right. I wish I'd been completely right. High blood pressure isn't all that bad. My nurse came in and listened for the heartbeats. She had a hard time finding either one. She moved me into a room with an old ulrasound machine and looked for the heartbeats. She found one, but something about the other one looked strange to her. She could see surrounding blood, but no blood-flow. She asked us to wait for the newer ultrasound machine to be available. Amazingly enough, it didn't occur to me at this point that something was really wrong. I thought everything would be fine once we did the actual ultrasound.

The technician came in and looked at my babies. She started by showing us Charlie, that he was healthy and doing well. Then she moved on to Peter, and even my untrained eyes could see...there was no heartbeat. There was, in fact, no amniotic fluid surrounding him at all. Just his lifeless little body. That little spirit, that life, was gone. Words cannot describe what I felt in that moment, what I still feel today when I think about it. Watching them search for a heartbeat they won't find...desperately seeking a life that's not there. This was somewhere around my 6th or 7th ultrasound. I had been given the gift of knowing this child. I watched him grow from a little blob into a person. I knew his face. I had seen him kick, and bounce, and play, and even have the hiccups. At that point in the pregnancy many women would not even know that there were 2 babies. I was so blessed to be given the opportunity to know this child, but it made the loss so much harder.

There was never an explanation for what happened. Nobody knew. It is common to lose a twin in early pregnancy, but not in the second trimester. It was a fluke. Something weird. That's all we know.

The array of emotions I've had to deal with since is unfathomable. I recognized many blessings that came with the short life of this child. I recognized the fact that although I was overwhelmingly sad, I was not angry or resentful. I had to deal with the obstacle of telling people and how I would respond to their questions.

One of the hardest things for me to deal with, was what would happen to Peter's little body. His body was compressed, essentially crushed, and absorbed by the surrounding tissue. This was a very hard thing for me to visualize. And I expected that it would take some time, but when I went in for an ultrasound two weeks after the loss, it was already as if he had never been there. That was very difficult for me. Already there was no evidence of him left.

I also had to figure out how to feel two completely opposite emotions at the same time. I had just lost a child. I was grieving and mourning that loss. But I was still expecting a child. And I was so happy that he was still there and looked forward to him joining us. But how do I feel those two things together, at the same time? I'm still not sure I've figured that out. Some days it works better than others.

I have had a number of experiences that have helped me in my process of healing, the greatest of which came after I offered the most sincere prayer I have ever offered in my life, asking the Lord to take this burden from me and help me find comfort and healing through the power of His atonement. This is why He suffered, so I would not have to...and though I still have sadness, He kept my loss from taking over my life. It did not break me, because I didn't have to carry it alone. Having said that, there are still nights when I wait for Jarom to fall asleep. I leave my bedroom...I hold that ultrasound photo close to my heart...and I cry...I cry hard...and I cry for a long time.

There are other things that have affected me. Other things that have hurt. Other lessons I've learned. I won't share them here. But these are the basics. One of the greatest blessings I will ever recognize in my life is that I have an eternal family. I will be with Peter one day. I will always be his mother, he will always be my son. I will always have that meeting to look forward to, and I will try my hardest to live my life in a way that makes me worthy of that blessing.

For the one that was and always will be; although he can't share this life with me...

Caught Off Guard

Something happened last night that may not seem like a big deal to some, but it caused me great concern. I have tried as hard as possible, since my girls were just babies, to be very careful about what I say about myself or anyone else concerning body image. I have never complained about my weight or called myself fat in front of my daughters. Even when I was working on losing weight I discussed with them that I wanted to be healthier, I never used the word 'skinnier'. I make a conscious effort to let them know how beautiful they are. I do not want body image to ever be an issue for my children. I want them to know that they are beautiful and special and be confident in who they are.

Last night Emma came to tell me that something was wrong with Bridget and that she was crying. I asked her to come talk to me about it. When I asked her what was wrong she told me, " I'm sad because I think I look fat.... When I breath my tummy puffs out and is fat...I'm not skinny like Emma. She is skinnier than me."

Bridget is 5 years old! I cannot even imagine why she is worried about these things already. Especially when I make such an effort to help my kids feel good about themselves. I was absolutely devastated by this conversation. I know that my efforts don't keep her from hearing comments from other people or on television, but it is amazing to me that the issue has become so important to her at the age of 5.

I am making a plea to the world. Can we all please pay a little more attention the the 'off-hand' comments we throw around? Can we recognize that how we feel about and deal with all areas of life serve as an example to the children around us? If they are always hearing about how important body image is to us and the rest of the world, the only conclusion they can come to is that their body shape and size not only matters, but is a measurement of what they are worth.

I hope every day that I can do enough, as a mother, to let my children know how amazing they are. I'm sure I will have to have this type of conversation many more times with all 4 of my daughters. I dread every one of them!

If you happen to see Bridget sometime soon, please tell her how beautiful she is!
Thank You!

Charlie

Today I want to share the story of Charlie. The decision to have another addition in our family has been one of a number of great tests of faith for us, and another addition of proof that our Heavenly Father loves and cares for us, and that He will always provide a way for us to accomplish what He asks of us.

Our four girls were all "planned". Meaning, we decided that we were ready for another child and we were prepared to welcome them into our family. This was not the case with Charlie. We had planned to wait until Allyson was at least 2 years old before we would even consider the idea of having another child. There was much for us to work toward before were ready for that. But, I  was taking the girls for a walk one day and the words came to me suddenly, "You have a little boy, his name is Charles, and he is ready to come join the family". Hmmm... okay. I waited a couple of days before I told Jarom the impression I had been given. We went to the temple later that week and that impression was confirmed to both of us at that time. We weren't quite sure what to do. For the first time we didn't feel ready for this.

Our greatest concern was that if we had another baby we would have to move. Our townhome only allowed 6 people and this would bump us up to 7 people. We couldn't figure out any way that we would be able to move anywhere else. Any place large enough was far out of our price range. Our only hope was a government loan that would allow us to actually buy a house with payments in our price range. But we did not consider this as a possibility because we had already applied for this loan and we were denied due to too much debt. Our van was our only debt, but it was enough to disqualify us.

We felt a lot of pressure about this decision and we prayed a lot about what we should do. We had come to the tentative decision that we would continue using birth control and then if we got pregnant anyway we would know that the timing was right. I wasn't completely comfortable with this plan, and it only lasted about a day. I was in the shower the next day (I do a lot of thinking in the shower, its one of my only quiet spaces), and I was pondering our situation and the decision we had made, when I heard the still small voice in my mind, and the lesson I learned from what he had to say was deeply profound to me, though it seems so simple. He said, "There is a child ready to come, but He will not take your agency from you. You must choose." If we continued on birth control we would be choosing not to accept this child. We could not ask our Father in Heaven to "force" him upon us just so that we would know it was His will for us. He had already told us His will.

And so we made the choice. We put our trust in the Lord and accepted that He would provide a way for us to support our family as we expanded. We could not figure out how He was going to do that, but that is what makes Him God, and us merely human. We don't need to know everything when we want to know it. Faith is a major part of growth and learning. And it allows us to appreciate our blessings so much more.

And we did receive blessings. Many, many blessings. Not only did He provide for us, but he seemed to give us extra blessings.The most obvious example is that we were able to buy a home. While getting the kids into the van for church one Sunday morning, our neighbor came down the street and, not paying much attention, she ran right into the back of Jarom's car, which had been parked on the street. We were a little frustrated at first, but it didn't take long for us to realize that "God works in mysterious ways". Jarom's car was totaled, and the insurance money we got for it was enough to payoff the rest of our van. This left us debt free, and we were able to re-apply and qualify for the government loan that we needed to buy a home. We never would have prayed for Jarom's car to get totaled as a solution to our problem, but the Lord knew what we needed and how to make it happen. I thanked my neighbor for crashing into Jarom's car. She thought I was crazy, but she was a tool for the Lord to bless our lives. We now live in a beautiful home that we love and it accommodates us well! We have no worries about our little Charlie joining us. We know we will be fine and that the Lord will continue to provide for us.

There is one more thing that we consider a blessing from this whole thing. Seven weeks into my pregnancy we found that we were expecting twins. We automatically saw this as an added blessing for following the Lord's counsel. A "two-for-one deal", if you will. That has not worked out the way we expected, and I will write more about that story in a different post. But I still, to this day, consider that child an added blessing.

I have an amazing life! I could never deny that my Heavenly Father obviously loves and blesses me, as He does all of His children.